After over a month of deconstructing, fixing, painting, and building the house my boyfriend and I purchased is almost ready for us to move in.
When we first purchased the home, I felt like I was helping to spruce up someone elses home, not mine. I had a panic attack when we started tearing out the kitchen cabinets that were there because I felt it was someone else's. Even now, after all the planning, and sweat we have put in, overall, this house belongs to someone else.
I can't not go down to the basement in what must have been the work room and wonder what projects the previous owner worked on in there. I can't sit in front of the fireplace without wondering what they did when they sat around the fire. I can't walk around the house without wondering what plans they had for the flower beds.
The feelings that this house is ours, that it is our home, are few and fleeting. While on paper it says the house is ours, and we know somewhere it is ours, at least to me, it is not ours.
I'm still excited to be moving out and starting a new chapter of life, learning to live on my own, anxious to cook in the kitchen that is now just a few days work from being done. I still can't stop thinking about "them", the family that grew up there, the family that lost their home to forclosure. I wonder how they are doing now, and imagine inviting them over for dinner, and fear how they would feel if they knew the changes we were making.
I may call it home when talking to others, but in my heart, this is not my home. This home is still someone else's and I wonder if it will ever be ours.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Too much procrastinating
I am doing too much procrastinating. Last night I set my alarm to make sure I got up early, I had a long list of things I wanted to get done today. When the alarm went off, since I didn't have to get up, I didn't. There was nothing on the list that seriously had to get done today, it was mostly wishing they would get done today, or things I wanted to work on that there was no way I could get done today.
As hard as I try to not procrastinate, if something doesn't have to get done, chances are I won't touch it. I have to already be up, and just finishing something else so that I'm in the mood to work.
The experts would probably say that I should note what gets me in the mood to work. Usually having to do something gets me in the mood to work. This is the only common thing there is with me, so the experts advise does not really help me. I've tried music, caffeine (not pure of course, but drinks like coffee, Mountain Dew, or things like chocolate), being in a certain room.... I feel like I've tried everything and still I procrastinate.
Why must I procrastinate? I work best off that adrenaline rush that comes from doing things at the last second. This means it is my nature to procrastinate, and it seems this is something I am just going to need to accept and deal with.
As hard as I try to not procrastinate, if something doesn't have to get done, chances are I won't touch it. I have to already be up, and just finishing something else so that I'm in the mood to work.
The experts would probably say that I should note what gets me in the mood to work. Usually having to do something gets me in the mood to work. This is the only common thing there is with me, so the experts advise does not really help me. I've tried music, caffeine (not pure of course, but drinks like coffee, Mountain Dew, or things like chocolate), being in a certain room.... I feel like I've tried everything and still I procrastinate.
Why must I procrastinate? I work best off that adrenaline rush that comes from doing things at the last second. This means it is my nature to procrastinate, and it seems this is something I am just going to need to accept and deal with.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Buying forclosed
Buying a forclosed home is a blessing and a curse.
My boyfriend and I just purchased our first home, it is a forclosed home. It's been about a month now and we are still trying to get it ready to move in. We are finally almost there. We've taken out the few kitchen cabinets there were, fixed the ceiling in the bathroom and added ventilation, and just installed new vinyl flooring.
The blesssing is that they are more affordable, but it feels like it's only window dressing. There is so much hidden work inside. When we had the inspection done after our offer had been accepted, it came back with 22 pages (with pictures) of things that needed fixing. A few of these were the main electrical wire to the house needed replacing because the covering was wearing away and water was leaking into the circuit breaker box. We also had to get a new circuit breaker box and new circuit breakers. And the chimneys needed cleaning. The one for the fireplace has so much build up that it needs to be acid washed, not just swept.
Of course it's not all bad. With all the fixing we have to do, when we are done, the house should feel more like ours. We will have added our touch to it, all at the biginning rather than a little at a time. I'm already dreaming of my new kitchen, my first kitchen. I'm like a little kid inside, and the house is my big candy.
My boyfriend and I just purchased our first home, it is a forclosed home. It's been about a month now and we are still trying to get it ready to move in. We are finally almost there. We've taken out the few kitchen cabinets there were, fixed the ceiling in the bathroom and added ventilation, and just installed new vinyl flooring.
The blesssing is that they are more affordable, but it feels like it's only window dressing. There is so much hidden work inside. When we had the inspection done after our offer had been accepted, it came back with 22 pages (with pictures) of things that needed fixing. A few of these were the main electrical wire to the house needed replacing because the covering was wearing away and water was leaking into the circuit breaker box. We also had to get a new circuit breaker box and new circuit breakers. And the chimneys needed cleaning. The one for the fireplace has so much build up that it needs to be acid washed, not just swept.
Of course it's not all bad. With all the fixing we have to do, when we are done, the house should feel more like ours. We will have added our touch to it, all at the biginning rather than a little at a time. I'm already dreaming of my new kitchen, my first kitchen. I'm like a little kid inside, and the house is my big candy.
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